Bonjour to the few who continue to watch me. I am drawing to the conclusion of another year without much activity to speak of. I would like for this to change. I would like to rekindle my spirit for the written word. I am lacking inspiration so please if you have a subject matter which you would like for me to write a poem on please do speak now. Merci.

It has been an incredibly long time since I have been here. So an update in my life is in order. I pray I still have the watchers as I did before.

I am fourteen now. I thought for certain I would not make it this far. I have been on dA for four years now.

My family has grown with twins in July/August. 31July Felix was born and 1August along came sweet Emily. I am still chair bound though I have had brief periods of mobility. I have not felt inspired for a long time but I still think of you guys. I have missed my friends something terrible. I realize of course, perhaps I have been forgotten as higher education overtakes my comrades.

I began speech therapy this school year of September. I believe my stutter is not quite so severe now, however I still am frightened that the old witch may have been correct, that when I speak angels fall from the skies.

I had a lovely Christmas/Chanukkah with my family. Uncle Brent gave us lots of presents after the holidays, to that I am truly grateful.

I have an urge to write, but my brain is much faster than my hands. By the time I get the words out my thoughts have drifted away. It is rather frustrating indeed.

Please catch me up in your lives, I wish to hear from you. There are a few I especially wish to hear from.

ANOTHER GREAT DAY IN MY CHAIR

The following are entries made by my brother Max in his online journal on GaiaOnline Please read as they have an important message.

A Day of School
Wed Jan 10, 2007 @ 4:41 pm

Today I went to school, it's kinda fun to see what I retained through my amnesia. I can tell you facts and figures of history and formulas for math and science but I can't tell you where I'm from or even who I am. Kinda weird I guess. I have sixth period PE plus I had to walk home. I'm still really sore from the accident and with my heart transplant I'm not supposed to over exert myself. But guess who keeps forgetting to bring his doctor's note D:.

I made a new friend. His name's Jeb and he's pretty cool. He's on the basketball team which I'm sad to say is pretty scarce and sux major >< Maybe next season I'll be able to help out the team.

This area is into football. They don't even know what soccer is and nobody understands hockey. D: My favorite sport is hockey I discovered that from talking to my adopted little brother, he gets intense when he talks about hockey and surfing and I got to watch both on TV when I was in the hospital. Hockey is easy to follow I think and I just don't understand surfing D:

So far life seems to be one of discovery for me. I have since waking found myself to be attracted to guys, and overall I'm pretty happy just finding out who I am or am to be. Chances are that whoever I was before just might not be who I am today or even tomorrow. I find myself trapped in a relationship that hit hard when it came. I love him so much but I'm afraid though that he might just be filling in a gap that he lost when his boyfriend died only a couple months ago. We're taking it slow and he's loving and patient with me. Though I can sense that he wants to go faster, I respect him for giving me time and giving himself time.

It just keeps getting better [/sarcasm]
Fri Jan 12, 2007 @ 10:42 pm

I live in a homophobic town, population less than 800 last I checked. Somebody at school found out I'm gay and have left threats inside my locker and tagged all my books with Nazi symbols. A group of jocks stopped me in the halls and harassed me verbally and physically. I can't move fast enough on crutches to avoid them and what the hell they were doing there on a Friday who knows. Our school only has detention on Fridays with no regular program. There's more, but at this time I'm too emotional to type further.

Edited for more details:

Wednesday one of the teachers was asking me how I like my new family, and really I still only really know my little brother, I spent every waking hour in the same room with him in the hospital. So I was telling her how I can't help but love the little guy. Someone overheard me and they got a group together and twisted it into that I'm a pedo and that I love this little boy (he's thirteen but he's small for his age and most anyone who doesn't really know him assumes he's like eight or nine). I just went on to my next class and ignored them. But they did this between each class. Then Thursday one of the guys confronted me and asked if I'm gay. The town's homophobic and I've heard stories of what happens to people that "come out". The family that adopted me, they had a foster kid that was gay and he was taken out to the fields and whipped with pieces of glass tied at the ends. The only gay kid that even made it and stuck it out in this town was Simon. He was the only one that could get people to accept him for who he is. Even after he's gone people still go on about "what a nice boy he was even though he's gay." I'm scared man. They used whiteout on the inside of my locker with their homophobic sayings and spray painted the outside with rainbows and a tombstone with my name on it.

and yet there's still more than just threats, the only thing I got from teachers who saw my locker is "interesting choice design Max, you better have that scrubbed off by Monday" speaking of which I should go to the school today with the maintenance guy down at the hospital and get it off my locker. He'll know how to get it off. I just hope that the nazi cowboy kids let me heal up before they beat me down physically.

Getting Beat Up is Not a Recreational Activity
Wed Jan 17, 2007 @ 6:35 pm

today I convinced dad to let me go to school to prove that I'm not scared of these jerks.

I rather enjoy my classes. Especially science and math though I'm finding that I transpose numbers and get sixes and nines mixed up. Dad thinks I might be number dyslexic. Most of my teachers are really nice and the ones that aren't so nice, at least they're only apathetic and not mean or anything.

I didn't think I'd get jumped when I'm still on crutches and have a brace still on my hand. But guess who decided that I'm not hurting enough and should pay for my ungodly desires and love I have for another man? If you guessed the entire varsity football team you guessed correctly. I'm okay just really sore muscles and bruised bones. The PE teacher's going up for review before the school board since he not only didn't do anything to stop it, but he supported them. Also I filed a report with the sheriff who just happens to be a friend of the family. He said he's proud of me for trying my best not to let them get to me, but he also called me a fool in the same breath so who knows where he really stands on this issue.

Good news is I found out that there's a lesbian that used to live here. She's in another city now though. Bad news is nobody liked her. There's no excuse for her behavior and how she treated everyone. I'm wondering if it's because of her that this town doesn't like my "kind". Everyone knew Simon and they knew that he was gay. People saw past his sexual orientation since he didn't draw attention to it. He didn't flirt with anyone, he didn't do anything to make anyone uncomfortable. I think that once people see that my being gay doesn't define who I am, then maybe, just maybe I'll be accepted into the community.

ANOTHER GREAT DAY IN MY CHAIR

Max is my newest adopted brother. He was in an automobile accident. He was not wearing his seatbelt and was thrown from the vehicle when it rolled into the ditch hitting a tree. For once not wearing a safety belt has saved someone's life. Something in the gas tank was faulty and not only did it burst into flames on impact, but the whole car exploded sending a mushroom cloud that we could see several miles away. If it were not for the explosion the paramedics and firemen would have never known about the accident until it was too late. Max was found unconscious and without a pulse and turning blue from the elements and lack of oxygen flow. The first person to arrive was a passerby who knew CPR. They continued CPR until help arrived and took over. He had died twice before arriving to the hospital. His mother and father and baby sister were not so lucky as they were killed by the flames. Autopsies showed charred lungs, meaning in short they were burned to death. Had they died upon impact, their lungs would have been only burned on the outermost parts as the heat consumed their flesh. Max would spend a week on life support as he waited for a heart to arrive. After my spinal fusion I was put in a room with a heart transplant patient, he did not know his name, or any of his past. I got in the habit of calling him Max. Upon learning that his family died my parents began the process of adoption. We named him Lucas Maximus. I call him Lucky in my thoughts. He is approximately fourteen to sixteen years old. Tomorrow we are going to the hospital for him to have a bone density scan in hopes to accurately know how old he really truly is. He has been writing a journal on GaiaOnline and at this time I would like to share something that I think all people should be aware of. But for now I am going to end this entry and enter a new one that especially those of you who hate gays or do not understand them should read. Please.

ANOTHER GREAT DAY IN MY CHAIR

I was banned because of COPPA. dA finally was put under the COPPA laws and refused service to anyone under the age of thirteen. I had to wait from about August until just today to come back. D:

Good news is I have improved in my art, bad news is that my poetry has suffered. Without anyone to share it with I have no motivation.

So here is an update on my life.

22 October Simon, my adopted big brother died from a fatal accident.

25th December I celebrated Christmas and Cece's birthday. She was my best mate she would have been thirteen if she did not die 6 years ago.

27th December (oui, two days after a lovely Christmas) I had a spinal fusion. I am still unable to sit up for long periods of time. But I figured out how to lay down and be on the computer still.

1 January I turned thirteen. I wish I could have had a dA birthday but besides still being banned since I was not knowing how to go about getting unbanned, I was also still in the hospital. I have only been home three days.

3 January I cried and mourned my best mate's date of her dying 6 years ago.

4 January my parents adopted my roommate from the hospital. His name is Max and he is about 14-17 years old. Nobody knows for sure cause he has amnesia and his family was killed in a car accident. For once NOT wearing a safety belt saved someone's life. He is really nice and he decided that fifteen was a good age. Perhaps he is to get tested to see how old he really is.

13 January I came home from my surgery and now must just take it easy. It hurts so bad but I must sit up each day for a few minutes